Take her outta the ball game
Last year baseball earned — give or take a few quid — $12.1 billion. Even if to you a real sport is only some dude with a Tiffany credit card, just seeing grown-up guys running around in rompers chasing a small ball — seems like major money.
Aaron Judge has a contract for hundreds of millions of dollars. He could’ve solved our subway system with just his men’s room tips.
The game’s beginnings began in the 1800s. Admission — 50 cents. To park at Yankee Stadium now — and in a spot closer than Australia — figure $50 more or less.
Last week was baseball’s opening day sellout — 46,000. A hometown winner — 4 to 2. The Yankees versus whatever’s the Milwaukee Brewers whose beer bellies outnumbered their behinds. Or hits.
Besides Yankee Stadium — cleaned and sharpened yearly — and newly looking like Dolly Parton had grabbed a pro visit — almost everything was wrapped in NYY shirts and tees. Even their Legends Suite spruced up. How big a spruce? Ready? Really ready? It was live lobsters climbing over baseballs.
Me, I stuck to tuna on white.
This special day began with — oy — grrrr — American singer Betsy Wolfe. American name.
Born California. American. University of Cincinnati’s College-Conservatory of Music. 100% American. Family American. Speech American. Tony nomination for “& Juliet,” she got booked to open the season by singing “The Star Spangled Banner.”
Ready? BUT SHE DIDN’T — DID NOT! — NOT!! — KNOW THE WORDS. Nice Betsy had to read them off her cellphone. I mean, really? We could’ve snuck her a frozen copy out of Greenland.
Betsy’s got a great future ahead — maybe as a dancer. Why book her? Could’ve been Roseanne Barr. Or kroaking Kamala. Or Hunter Biden because we all want him to open his mouth.
NYC’s most valuable players
Also making a pit stop at the Stadium — mayoral hopeful Andrew Cuomo. So I said: “I hear you don’t like me.” Andrew: “Not true.” Then: “I like you.” Then — linking me to old-time bad-time Mafia baddies: “I just now know that you’re probably part Sicilian.”
The Stadium was alive with the sounds from famous mouths — former players CC Sabathia, Andy Pettitte, Reggie Jackson, Willie Randolph, director Spike Lee, “Sopranos” star Steve Schirripa, even our Gov. Kathy Hochul’s handsome husband Bill who said how great Buffalo is. I told him the minute that town gets its own St. Patrick’s Cathedral and 47th Street diamond center I’m there.
Fashion? Yankee president Randy Levine’s wife Mindy wore copper-colored slacks of pleather. Fake leather. $78. Bought online. Made by Khloé Kardashian’s Good American clothing company.
One other story. Just so you don’t think I’m tight with only the GodBlessUs Yankees: It’s Steve Coogan who’s now playing a robot covered in oil. The dramedy? “The Penguin Lessons.” The thing’s about a robot covered in oil which he schleps in a bag. They gave him whatever’s a puppet penguin. And he had to establish a personal relationship with it.
Listen, you’re better off with the Yankees.