Here’s why moms are quietly quitting Christmas
Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year… unless you have somebody in your life who calls you “mom.”
Even more so if you hear that word 50 thousand times by 10 am.
In the wise words of the Grinch: “This whole Christmas season is stupid, stupid, stupid.”
“Ain’t doing that extra stuff”
If mothers had a Spotify Wrapped, it would be 6 7, “Moooom, watch this!” and lunch boxes on constant shuffle and repeat.
But in the last month of the year, Elf on the Shelf, turkey cooking timings, and toddler-proofing the Christmas tree get added to the playlist.
Which is exactly why moms are collectively pressing pause this year.
Yep. We’re quietly quitting Christmas.
A mom friend of mine is heading into summer this year heavily pregnant, with a toddler in tow, and a family who keeps trying to pull her in 100 directions with their plans.
That’s why she’s making an effort to do one thing: the bare minimum.
On TikTok, moms are turning their backs in record numbers on traditions that are exhausting.
Nothing captures the sentiment more than the massive amount of anti-Elf on the Shelf content.
A post by influencer Mikaela Ladocki shows her yeeting the toy over her shoulder with the caption: “I’m not cut out for that life.”
The comment section is right behind her.
“I told my kids it’s only for naughty kids that need extra watching.”
“Ours just sits in the tree and watches. I ain’t doing that extra stuff.”
“Another job added to my list and I’ll expire.”
One mother even declared she had “cancelled Christmas” just to give herself a necessary break.
Breast pump brand, Bubka, checked in with their community of moms, with data showing the women are exiting the Christmas group chat these holidays.
One in three moms said they’ll be skipping at least one Christmas tradition altogether. And to cope, six in ten moms admitted they’re intentionally planning a “bare-minimum Christmas” to reduce the load.
Bubka co-founder, Alicia Segal, says it’s great to see moms finally pushing back.
“Moms are realising they can ask for better,” Ms Segal told news.com.au
“They can choose rest, boundaries, and have a good day with their kids and their family. It doesn’t have to be defined by Santa photos, matching PJs and spending the entire day in the kitchen.”
Other businesses are noticing the trend too.?Kmart?has essentially given moms decor that matches the aesthetic and the energy levels.
Their $12 giant tree-topper bow has become the unofficial mascot of the trend: one bow, no fuss.
But like all glorious things at Kmart… It’s currently sold out.
The decorations might be getting simpler, but the reason behind it is far more serious.
Clinical psychologist Frances Bilbao, founder of Mums Matter, says stress can double or even triple for moms, with December adding a whole new layer of emotional labour.
“Christmas amplifies an already uneven distribution of the mental load… At Christmas, that load expands exponentially: gifts, events, school breakups, co-ordinating extended family, travel logistics, food preparation, keeping traditions alive, and managing the emotional needs of children who are overstimulated and overtired,” Ms Bilbao told news.com.au
It’s basically a second full-time job that you can’t resign from without guilt or judgment hot on your heels.
“The expectations of a ‘perfect Christmas’ feel unattainable and, importantly, unnecessary. What I’m seeing clinically is a shift toward values-based decision making with mothers asking, ‘What actually matters to my family?’ and letting go of traditions that only create stress,” she added.
The decisions aren’t made from a selfish place, but rather to be proactive. Otherwise, it leads to mental health concerns for the entire family.
“Children don’t need intricately curated traditions; they need present, regulated adults. A simpler Christmas can actually increase the ‘magic’ because parents are less stressed and more emotionally available,” she explained.
For moms feeling lost, there is a light at the end of the Christmas tunnel. It’s possible to find the passion again.
My colleague Leah knows the feeling of December burnout well, but as her kids have grown, so has her ability to manage expectations.
“I have certainly felt burnout in the past around Christmas time, but now that my kids are a little older and easier, I don’t feel it. In fact, I feel like I’m now becoming part of the pre-December 1st club and putting up decorations earlier,” Leah said.
She’s even found a simple fix for the Christmas tree headaches.
“I have two trees. One in the lounge room downstairs, which is our main one, and it’s big. I usually fill that with all the ‘nice’ decorations, and sometimes it has a theme,” she explained.
“Then we have another upstairs, which is a little smaller, and that’s what we call the ‘kids’ tree. They decorate that however they like and go as wild as they want.
“It allows us all to enjoy decorating as a family, but keeps their rogue decorating and ugly daycare ornaments (sorry, not sorry) away from my nice tree.”
