IN one Manhattan book club, all members and book choices must be approved by a self-appointed leader, known – not exactly affectionately – as the “Book Nazi.”
If a member dares miss a meeting, the “Book Nazi” forces the guilty party to write an essay or a poem to be read out loud in front of the group.
Another book club victim describes her experience as “anxiety-producing.”
“If you have an opinion that isn’t shared by the group, they practically call you an idiot,” she says.
And yet another complains her group consists solely of other magazine editors who use the evening as an excuse to gossip.
“The conversation is always about our business and rarely about the books we are supposed to read.”
Is it any wonder that even Oprah decided to abandon her book club?
Many once enthusiastic clubbers who relished the idea of a social evening sharing stimulating conversation now say they dread the idea of going to one more meeting with people they have grown to hate.
They complain about their groups’ whiners, the never-readers and the too-bossy leaders.
Literary snobbishness, tedious books and too-frequent meetings have transformed leisurely book groups into painful additions to already over-booked agendas.
This is what happens when a good book club goes bad.
A 35-year-old publishing executive is so intimidated by the guy he’s dubbed the “Book Nazi” he is afraid to reveal his name.
“There’s one woman in our group who only tends to read the first 10 pages of a book and she can only comment about something that happens in the beginning of the story,” he says.
“I think it’s kind of funny, but not our Nazi. When we read ‘The Lovely Bones,’ he told her since she hadn’t read it, she had forfeited her turn to host! It was embarrassing for her and everyone else, but he is so domineering, everyone just listens to him.”
Joe LaSala, 27, started a group he called “Books ‘n Booze” last summer with some co-workers at a technology consulting firm.
For a while, the group of 25 met bimonthly to drink beer and discuss best sellers.
“Most of us don’t bother reading the books anymore,” he admits.
“We just arrive with alcohol, discuss the book for five minutes and proceed to get very drunk.”
“I think it broke down when we read ‘Seabiscuit’ because not everyone was excited about horse racing. We really hit rock bottom with ‘Gods and Generals’ because it was really hard to get excited about the Civil War.
“We wanted to improve our minds, but we are only damaging our livers.”
A 26-year-old New Yorker says she joined a group because she wanted to meet like-minded friends and found the members to be “controlling, domineering and vapid.”
“I thought it would be a fun way to meet intelligent people,” she says. “But there is no room for dissenting opinions.
“We each had to bring in two short stories for the group to read. Everyone brought something from the New Yorker, except me. Someone said, ‘Why would you do that? The only great short stories are in the New Yorker.’ I don’t know why I keep going.”
Peri Lupowitz, a 27-year-old freelance television production manager, joined a book club a few months ago – yet she’s only attended one meeting.
She reads the book, but as the day approaches, she’s filled with dread.
“I’d rather not talk about books I don’t enjoy,” she says. “I didn’t want to read ‘Lucky,’ which is about a woman who is raped, but I was outnumbered.”
Peter Flax, an editor at Backpacker magazine, wants to join a book group – but as a straight man, he’s considered a poor candidate.
“I haven’t been able to get my butt on the couch yet,” he laments.
“I asked one of my best friends if I could join her club and she just laughed in my face. Not a two-second laugh, but a laugh like it was the funniest thing she had heard in weeks.”
And then there’s the story of the magazine editor who cooked a labor-intensive meal for her group – enough to feed a small country – but, one by one, everyone cancelled.
“Absolutely nobody came,” she says.
She sent off an angry e-mail the next day. After that, “the book group dissolved, magically,” she says.
“Of course, the joke is that perhaps it did continue – and I wasn’t invited.”
Hope still springs eternal for those who long for someone to share their literary passions.
“I want to find a club where all the people love to read and they aren’t simply looking for an excuse to have a party,” says Lupowitz.
“I think it’s all about finding the right fit.”
Tips on How to Do It By the Book
* Acknowledge bad feelings when they arise. “All groups are going to have tension in them,” says Jacobson. “Deal with the tension, rather than just tolerate it.”
* Decide, in advance, how books will be chosen and how new members will be introduced to the club. It may seem formal, but it’ll make things less complicated – and more fun – down the road.
* Use the buddy system. Pair more talkative types with more shy members to ensure everyone has the opportunity to share his or her opinion.
* Keep a journal. Use your book club as an opportunity to study your behavior in groups. “You’ll learn so much, and not just about the book,” Jacobson says.